Thunder Run
This fall break, we decided to spend a little time at a nearby amusement park. The weather was beautiful and crisp. The lines were short. But the time together, not so easily found these tween days, was a gift.
Things started bumpy, our schedule got shifted around, but we made the most of it. Some movies and a lazy afternoon at a hotel. Arriving at the park, we already had a few rides planned. Some we rode together, the others we waited for each other. Then there was Thunder Run. I love roller coasters. The endorphin rush is almost always worth it. The round and round rides have passed me by though. I wanted to ride at least one roller coaster. So I asked my kiddo to stand in line with me and decide at the last minute…no pressure. He said yes, and the rest was a short story, but a long term thrill. He was glad he said yes. I was glad he was glad. But he was also scared.
Parenting my tween is challenging. We have been through a good deal. The pandemic, divorce, starting middle school, friends scattered to the four corners of the universe. I want him to know he is loved and supported. But I also want him to find his tribe and enjoy his newfound maturity. I want him to see me building something and working hard. But also to know that I’m always here for him and that he is always most important. I want to teach him about commitments. But I also want him to have the confidence to walk away from things and people who do not serve him. In so many ways, I feel like I’m learning along with him. How do you teach things you haven’t mastered yourself?
Growing up never ends, I suppose. I think some people reach a pinnacle a little earlier than others. I suspect some people never reach it. And some never even try. I find myself in such a strange space. Many of my friends are grandparents. Many of my former students have kids as old and even older than mine. And at the same time I am raising my tween, I am finding myself at the bedside of my mother as she is beginning her exit. She’s not gone yet, but she is making her preparations. I don’t seem to know how to do any of it. Guiding my young person to a place of confidence and support. Guiding my mom to a future that I have only imaginings of. Finding my footing in the center of both, while building a business with no business experience or education. So, I turn to my always answers…a blank page in my journal, and a few quotes from books I’ve read again and again. “Everything is figureoutable.” Marie Forleo. “There are no great things. Only small things done with great love.”
Life is like the Thunder Run, I suppose. You walk along together in the line. You take some rides together. But still, even together, your experience is your own. You can sit at a bedside and still not know what to say. You can hover close by, but sometimes you have to trust that the people you love will be able to feel it, even when you aren’t there. And sometimes, when the ground is shakey, it’s okay to be still or to only take the next step, the tiniest one, and trust that once you do, the next and the next will keep showing up. “Life is a rollercoaster. You can either scream every time you hit a bump, or throw your hands in the air and enjoy the ride. “
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