From, With and For: A Message About Dying

I had the honor (and the challenge) of spending the summer with my mom as she entered hospice and passed away. While I am sure I will continue to process this experience for the rest of my life, there is a message I want to share with you- a message I also shared with her in her final hours which has given me a deep sense of peace and gratitude.

I believe that as parents, we take a journey along with our kids. We read, we watch other families and we do what we learned as kids or we don’t do what we learned didn’t work. It’s all trial and error. Lots of lessons. We offer lessons to our kids as well.

There seem to be three kinds of lessons I learned from my mom:
•lessons I learned FROM her
•lessons I learned WITH her
•lessons I learned FOR her

FROM my mom, I learned the power of music. She lived, loved and breathed it from the age of 4. And when she could no longer talk, I turned on a classical streaming station she began conducting with her feet.
I learned the true value of a handwritten note as a thank you or a thinking of you or a just because.
Mostly, I learned the exponential power of a life of service. The multitudes and generations of people she taught to love music will continue to grace the world…probably forever.

WITH my mom, I learned the value of recycling and taking care of the Earth, of animals, and occasionally friends in the wrong place at the wrong time. I learned how to read a barometer, which still has never been needed, but I keep hoping.

FOR my mom, I learned that though it is preached by some as a valuable quality, being selfless is not something to aspire to. What happens when one is only the good they do, the work they complete, is that when they can no longer do that work, they no longer have an identity. And without an identity, one tends to disappear a little bit each day.

So as I move forward without her, I plan to carry forward a deep enjoyment of music of all kinds. Concerts especially. I plan to continue to write letters to people I like and love and appreciate. I will deepen my commitment to building a life and a company that is based in service…inclusion, sustainability, connections and creations.

And FOR my mom, I will remember that I am a whole person, outside my work I am a friend, a mom, a writer, an aspiring cook, a spirit, a dreamer, a girl and an adventurer. And I will make sure I make room in my life to do and be all those things.

I hope you make some time to figure out the lessons you have learned from, with and for your ancestors. And some time to determine the lessons you wish to offer those who look to you for lessons.

From me for you,
Team Gnome